CryptoGoat: Knights of the Baaahble
CryptoGoat: Knights of the Baaahble
The air smelled of damp moss and ancient mystery as CG’s horns shimmered with chameleon-like brilliance, twisting reality into a swirling portal. Stepping through, CryptoGoat found himself ankle-deep in mud on a misty English moor, the low hum of his time-traveling horns fading into the eerie quiet. Somewhere in the distance, the clash of swords echoed alongside the faint cries of men.
“Oh great,” CG muttered, shaking mud off his hooves. “More humans swinging pointy sticks. Can’t wait to get stabbed for no reason.”
Adjusting a tattered cloak he’d scavenged during a brief detour in ancient Greece, CG sighed. “At least medieval fashion has layers. I can work with this.”
His sharp golden eyes scanned the forest for the source of the commotion. The sound of swords grew louder, and as CG trudged toward it, he muttered, “Here’s hoping this timeline has cheese.”
A Goat in Camelot
CryptoGoat emerged from the forest to find a chaotic battlefield. Two factions of knights clashed in a flurry of steel and fury. As he watched, one knight—a wiry man in dented armor—spotted him. The knight froze mid-swing, his sword clattering to the ground.
“Behold!” the knight gasped, dropping to his knees. “The divine creature of prophecy!”
The skirmish ground to a halt as both sides turned to stare at CG. One knight whispered, “The prophecy… it’s true?”
“Uh, yeah,” CG said, waving awkwardly. “Divine creature reporting for duty. You guys done stabbing each other?”
The wiry knight—Sir Percival—rushed forward, dropping his helmet at CG’s hooves. “Great one, you’ve come to lead us! The prophecy foretold of a glowing-horned beast who would guide us to the Holy Grail!”
“Right,” CG said, backing away slightly. “Here’s the thing: I’m more of a wanderer than a grail-finder. Can’t I just point you in the general direction and call it a day?”
But Percival wasn’t listening. He and the other knights quickly formed an honor guard and escorted CG—much to his dismay—to Camelot.
Welcome to Camelot
The grand halls of Camelot were ablaze with torchlight as CG was introduced to King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, and the legendary Knights of the Round Table. The room fell silent as Arthur stood, his crown gleaming in the firelight.
“You are the one of legend?” Arthur asked, his voice heavy with awe.
“Legend? Sure,” CG replied, smirking. “Greatest of all time? Absolutely. Holy Grail finder? Eh, we’ll see.”
Merlin, the enigmatic wizard, appeared from the shadows, his piercing gaze fixed on CG’s horns. “These horns… they are not of this world.”
“Neither is my patience for riddles, Gandalf,” CG shot back. “What’s the deal with this Grail anyway? Gold-plated? Does it sparkle?”
Arthur explained that the kingdom’s balance depended on finding the Grail, which had been lost to time. Without it, Camelot faced ruin. CG groaned internally but played along. “Fine, I’ll help. But if there’s no cheese at the end of this, we’re gonna have words.”
The Quest Begins
The next morning, CG set out with Sir Percival, Sir Lancelot, and the clumsy but lovable Sir Clumsybottom. The journey was fraught with danger and, of course, absurdity.
The Dragon’s Bargain
In a secluded valley, the group encountered a fire-breathing dragon hoarding golden treasure. The knights prepared to charge, but CG stopped them.
“You’re seriously gonna fight a dragon? Amateurs.”
CG approached the beast, horns glowing faintly. “Listen, Scaly, I don’t have time for theatrics. Chase your tail for five minutes, and we’ll call it even.”
Remarkably, the dragon complied, allowing the group to pass. Sir Clumsybottom marveled, “You truly are a divine creature!”
“Divine? Nah,” CG said, tossing a gold coin. “Just good with reptiles.”
The Troll Toll
At a narrow bridge, the group was stopped by a troll demanding a riddle.
“What walks on four legs, then two, then none?” the troll growled.
CG raised a hoof. “A goat, after it realizes crawling is for chumps.”
The troll, perplexed, let them pass.
The Grail’s Trial
The group reached a hidden temple guarded by a series of traps and illusions. Inside, a mural depicted a glowing-horned creature—CryptoGoat himself.
“Well, would you look at that,” CG said, examining the mural. “I’ve been in history books before, but wall art? That’s new.”
As they approached the Grail, Mordred and his rogue knights burst in. Mordred sneered. “You think you can claim the Grail without facing me? Foolish goat!”
“Foolish? I’ve battled dinosaurs and shadow gods, pal,” CG retorted. “You’re just a guy with too much eyeliner.”
The battle was fierce. Mordred’s forces gained the upper hand until CG’s horns emitted a burst of energy, blinding the rogues and securing the Grail. As CG held it, a voice echoed:
“The power of Sui flows through you. Your journey has only begun.”
“Cool,” CG muttered. “Love a cryptic pep talk.”
A Hero’s Return
Back in Camelot, CG was celebrated as a hero. At the feast, Arthur raised a goblet. “To CryptoGoat, the savior of Camelot!”
“I mean, you’re not wrong,” CG said, leaning back in his chair.
Merlin pulled him aside. “Your horns… they are more than tools for time travel. They are keys to something greater.”
“Great, another vague prophecy,” CG sighed. “Just tell me if cheese is involved.”
To Be Continued…
As CG relaxed, the glow of his horns intensified. The distant sound of clanking swords mixed with the whistle of steam engines.
“Oh no,” CG muttered. “Medieval steampunk? This is gonna be weird.”