CryptoGoat: The Garden of Unearthly Delights
CryptoGoat: The Garden of Unearthly Delights
When CryptoGoat (CG) and Kelly Softmane stepped through the shimmering portal, they braced themselves for the unexpected. But no amount of multiverse experience could have prepared them for what came next.
Welcome to Gardenia
The two stepped out onto soft, vibrant grass that smelled faintly of freshly cut cilantro. Before them stretched a landscape that looked like a farmer’s market exploded into a theme park. Giant mushroom trees swayed in the breeze, their caps forming colorful umbrellas, while fields of kale and broccoli shimmered under an unnaturally warm sun. Humanoid fruits and vegetables—carrots, apples, pumpkins, and even a very grumpy onion—bustled through the streets of what appeared to be a small town made entirely of woven vines and vegetable carts.
“Kelly,” CG said, blinking in disbelief, “I think we just walked into the weirdest salad bar in the multiverse.”
“More like the fever dream of a vegan who ate too many mushrooms,” Kelly quipped, adjusting her glasses.
A plump tomato with stubby vine arms waddled up to them. “Travelers! Welcome to Gardenia!” it said, its voice cheerful but tinged with worry. “We don’t get many visitors. Especially… uh… meat-based ones.”
CG smirked. “Relax, buddy. I’m more of a pancake guy.”
Kelly crouched, extending a hand to the tomato. “I’m Kelly, and this is CryptoGoat. We’re just passing through. What’s going on here?”
Tom Vine (as he introduced himself) sighed, his vine arms drooping. “You’ve arrived at a bad time. Our world is dying. The Rot Plague has spread across the land, and if we don’t stop it soon, all of Gardenia will wither.”
CG tilted his head. “Rot Plague? Sounds like a bad case of multiversal mold.”
“It’s worse,” Tom said gravely. “It turns fruits and veggies into mindless husks… or worse, they join the Rot Horde.”
Kelly straightened, her journal already out. “Let me guess—there’s a cure, but it’s in some forbidden place guarded by a deadly monster?”
Tom nodded solemnly. “The Forbidden Orchard, beyond the Kale Mountains. The Eternal Seed is said to cure the plague. But no one who’s gone after it has returned.”
CG sighed, his horns glinting faintly. “Alright, point us to the scary orchard. Let’s pluck this Eternal Seed and save the day.”
A Side Quest with Serious Stakes
As they prepared to leave, a frantic lettuce burst into the town square, panting and clutching a tiny radish child in its leafy arms. “Help! My son fell into the Sour Caves while playing with his friends! Please, you must save him!”
Kelly looked at CG. “We can’t just ignore this.”
CG shrugged. “Sure, why not? It’s not like we’re on a tight schedule to save an entire planet.”
The Sour Caves were a series of damp, twisting tunnels that reeked of fermenting fruit. The sound of faint, high-pitched cries echoed through the caverns as they descended deeper.
“There’s our radish,” CG said, spotting the tiny figure clinging to the edge of a bubbling pool of acidic juice. “Hang tight, buddy! The GOAT is here!”
CG leapt forward, his horns glowing as he used a vine to swing across the pool. But as he reached the radish, the ground beneath them crumbled, sending both tumbling into the acidic liquid below.
Kelly, watching from above, didn’t hesitate. “CG!” she shouted, grabbing a sturdy celery stalk from the cavern wall and fashioning a makeshift lasso.
She swung the celery down, hooking CG’s arm just as the acidic pool began to bubble violently. With a strength that surprised even herself, she yanked CG and the radish to safety.
CG coughed, brushing acid off his fur. “Okay, Softmane, I admit it—you’re the best partner a goat could ask for.”
Kelly smirked, adjusting her glasses. “Don’t you forget it.”
The Kale Mountains and the Forbidden Orchard
After returning the radish child to its grateful family, CG and Kelly continued their journey toward the Kale Mountains. The vibrant fields gave way to jagged cliffs, the air growing colder as they ascended. The once-lush scenery turned grim, with blackened vines and rotten fruit littering the ground.
“Looks like we’re getting close,” Kelly said, her voice tight.
“Yeah,” CG said, kicking a rotting apple with a grimace. “It smells like my gym socks after a weeklong adventure.”
Finally, they reached the Forbidden Orchard. The trees were skeletal, their bark cracked and oozing black liquid. In the center of the orchard stood the Eternal Seed, glowing faintly within a cocoon of thorn-covered vines. But before they could approach, a low growl stopped them in their tracks.
The Thorned Warden emerged—a monstrous, towering creature made of twisted vines, decayed fruit, and razor-sharp thorns. Its glowing green eyes locked onto them, and it let out a deafening roar.
“Let me guess,” CG said, cracking his knuckles. “It’s not a vegetarian.”
Battle with the Thorned Warden
The Warden struck first, its thorny arms whipping toward them with terrifying speed. CG leapt into action, dodging one attack and countering with a golden energy beam from his horns. The blast severed one of the Warden’s arms, but two more sprouted in its place.
“Kelly! Get to the Seed!” CG shouted, narrowly avoiding another strike.
Kelly darted toward the Seed, using her journal to deflect flying thorns. “A little busy here!”
The Warden turned its attention to her, but CG intervened, landing a powerful kick that sent the creature stumbling back. “Eyes on me, Spiky!”
Kelly reached the Seed, carefully pulling it free from its thorny cocoon. As she did, the Warden let out a furious roar, its body cracking and leaking dark energy.
“Got it!” Kelly shouted, holding up the glowing Seed.
“Time to split!” CG replied, firing one last beam that collapsed part of the orchard, burying the Warden under a pile of rotting vines.
The Cure and a Farewell
Back in the village, Kelly and CG presented the Eternal Seed to the pumpkin elder. He planted it in the town square, and golden roots spread across Gardenia, purging the Rot and restoring the land’s vibrant colors.
Tom Vine hugged them both (as best a tomato could). “You’ve saved us. Gardenia will never forget you.”
As the portal reappeared, Kelly smiled. “Ready for the next adventure?”
CG glanced at her, his horns glowing faintly. “As long as you’re with me, Softmane, I’m ready for anything.”
They stepped through the portal together, the vibrant cheers of the Gardenian villagers fading behind them. But the other side was silent and dark. A faint, menacing growl echoed in the shadows.
“Well,” CG said, his smirk returning. “This should be fun.”